10 subtle signs that your upbringing was marked by poor parenting

You probably don’t think about it every day, but your childhood has a massive impact on who you are as an adult. You might think your parents did the best they could, but sometimes, the impact of their parenting (or lack of it) sticks around far longer than expected.

If your parents were emotionally distant, critical, or even a little too controlling, you might be feeling the effects well into adulthood. A 2025 Report by PubMed Central found that adults who experienced emotionally distant or neglectful parenting struggled with issues like anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

Parenting is more than just feeding and clothing a child—it’s about emotional support, validation, and setting boundaries. And sometimes, when that’s lacking, it can leave long-lasting scars. So, let’s look into the 10 subtle signs your upbringing may have been marked by poor parenting, and how they could be showing up in your life today.

You Struggle with Boundaries

Does your personal space always feel up for grabs? Or perhaps you find it difficult to say “no” when people ask for favors, even when it puts you out? If you were raised in a household where boundaries were either non-existent or constantly tested by parents who were overly involved or dismissive of your needs, it can affect how you navigate personal space as an adult.

Overbearing parents may have eroded your sense of self, leaving you unsure of when it’s appropriate to put up your guard. On the flip side, emotionally unavailable parents might have never taught you how to assert your needs.

Setting boundaries is a learned skill, and if you didn’t get the memo growing up, it might be a little harder to enforce them now. Don’t worry, though, this is totally fixable. Therapy, self-reflection, and healthy relationship modeling can help you learn the fine art of saying “no” without guilt.

You Have Difficulty Trusting Others

If you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your friends, partners, or even colleagues, wondering if they’re really there for you or if they’ll leave when things get tough. It might be a sign that your trust was broken early on. If your caregivers weren’t emotionally dependable or frequently let you down, it can affect your ability to trust others as an adult.

We all want to believe the best in people, but it’s hard to do that when you’ve been let down before. If this sounds familiar, it’s not your fault—it’s a survival mechanism your brain developed to keep you safe from getting hurt. Building trust, however, is possible. Start small, trust people who consistently show up, and be gentle with yourself while you work through the tough stuff.

You Feel Unworthy of Love or Success

How many times have you caught yourself thinking, “I don’t deserve this”? If you were raised by parents who only showed affection when you achieved something or tied love to your performance, you might have internalized the belief that love is conditional. This is known as parental conditional regard.

Children who experience this often grow up with a distorted sense of self-worth, believing they must constantly prove their value to earn love and acceptance. It can lead to a never-ending cycle of striving to meet expectations, all while feeling like you’re never quite enough.

As an adult, this can show up as a fear of failure or a constant need to prove you’re good enough. Spoiler alert: You are good enough. Rewriting that narrative requires self-compassion and a shift away from achievement-based validation. You deserve love just as you are.

Also on MSN: 10 things parents must stop expecting from their adult children

You Often Feel Like You’re “Not Enough”

This one hits deep. If you grew up in a household where you were constantly criticized or felt like your efforts were never enough to please your parents. It’s easy to believe that something is always missing within you. Even if they didn’t outright say it, their actions (or lack of them) might have made you feel like, at your core, you just weren’t enough.

Over time, this can create a lingering sense of inadequacy that’s tough to shake off. Constantly battling the inner voice telling you you’re “not enough” can be exhausting. It’s time to stop listening to that voice and start practicing self-love.

Yes, it’s easier said than done, but surrounding yourself with supportive people and seeking professional help can help you retrain your brain to recognize your worth.

You Find It Hard to Express Your Emotions

Ever been told you were “too sensitive” or that your feelings didn’t matter? If you were raised in an environment where emotional expression was either stifled or dismissed, it’s no wonder you find it hard to articulate your feelings as an adult. A report from Healthline indicates that children who experience emotional neglect or criticism of their feelings often struggle with emotional regulation as adults.

In simple terms, if your feelings were invalidated growing up, you might have learned to bottle them up instead of expressing them. But here’s the thing—emotions are human, and they need an outlet. Start by identifying how you’re feeling (even if it’s just “angry” or “sad”) and find safe, healthy ways to express yourself—whether that’s journaling, talking to a friend, or seeking therapy.

You Struggle with Self-Care and Self-Love

You often put others’ needs ahead of your own. You avoid taking care of your own well-being because you feel you’re not worth the effort. Growing up in a household where your needs were either overlooked or undervalued can set you up for a lifetime of neglecting your own self-care.

Therapist Daniel Rinaldi, MHC, notes that “Emotional neglect is considered a form of trauma, as it can have long-lasting and profound effects on a person’s emotional and psychological well-being.”

If you were raised to believe that your needs didn’t matter, it can be hard to prioritize yourself now. But self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Whether it’s a quiet moment of self-reflection, a long bath, or simply getting enough sleep, practicing self-love is vital for healing and growth.

You Have Trouble with Conflict Resolution

Do you avoid conflict like the plague? Or maybe you blow up at the smallest disagreements? Either way, it’s a sign that your childhood may have been marked by poor communication or avoidance of conflict. International Journal for Multidisciplinary Research states that children raised in environments where conflict was either ignored or handled explosively often grow up with poor conflict-resolution skills in their relationships.

If your parents couldn’t communicate effectively or resolve conflicts through avoidance or yelling, you probably didn’t learn how to handle disagreements in a healthy way. The good news is that conflict resolution is a skill, and just like any skill, it can be learned. With practice, patience, and maybe a little bit of therapy, you can improve your ability to navigate conflicts with ease.

You Often Feel Anxious or Overwhelmed

If your childhood was chaotic or emotionally unpredictable, you may have grown up with an underlying sense of anxiety. A 2022 study by Nature found that individuals who experienced childhood trauma, such as emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving, were significantly more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and stress-related disorders as adults.

It’s tough to feel grounded when your early years didn’t provide the emotional security you needed. Recognizing this pattern is the first step. From there, mindfulness techniques, therapy, and stress-management strategies can help you find balance and calm, no matter what life throws your way.

You Find It Difficult to Trust Yourself

If you were constantly dismissed or criticized growing up, it’s easy to see why you might struggle with trusting your own instincts now. Children who were emotionally neglected often experience difficulties with self-trust as adults, as noted by Medical News Today. This stems from the lack of validation in childhood, which prevents you from developing confidence in your own decision-making abilities.

To build self-trust, start by making small decisions for yourself, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go perfectly. Over time, you’ll rebuild confidence in your judgment and learn to trust your inner voice again.

You Struggle to Build Healthy Relationships

Finally, if your parents modeled unhealthy or toxic relationships, you may be unconsciously repeating those patterns in your own adult relationships. According to ScienceDirect, individuals who grew up with high-conflict parents tend to replicate similar dynamics in their own romantic and platonic relationships. It’s not that you want to, but old habits die hard.

If you notice you’re stuck in unhealthy patterns, it’s time to break the cycle. Therapy, healthy communication techniques, and surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can help you learn to build more fulfilling, stable relationships.

Key Takeaway

Recognizing the subtle signs of poor parenting can be a transformative first step toward healing. If you struggle with setting boundaries or find it hard to trust others, it may be because you weren’t taught these skills as a child, often due to overbearing or emotionally distant parents. If love and success were conditional in your upbringing, you might feel unworthy of affection or constantly fear failure.

Persistent feelings of inadequacy, difficulty expressing emotions, and neglecting self-care are common signs of an emotionally neglectful childhood. Likewise, if conflict was poorly handled or avoided, you may now find yourself struggling with healthy conflict resolution. Anxiety and overwhelm, stemming from an unstable childhood, can also persist into adulthood, making it hard to feel at ease.

A lack of self-trust may result from feelings and thoughts being invalidated, while toxic relationship patterns learned early on can make it difficult to form healthy adult relationships. But the good news is that recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle. With self-awareness, support, and patience, it’s possible to heal and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships with yourself and others.

You deserve to create the emotional foundation that will allow you to thrive.

Disclosure line: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.

The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love

The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love

Love is a complex, beautiful emotion that inspires profound behaviors. We express our love in various ways, some universal, while others are unique to each individual. Among these expressions, there are specific actions women often reserve for the men they deeply love.

This piece explores 15 unique gestures women make when they’re in love. From tiny, almost invisible actions to grand declarations, each tells a story of deep affection and unwavering commitment. Read on to discover these 15 things women only do with the men they love.

Why Your Daily Coffee Could Be the Secret to Better Wellness

Why Your Daily Coffee Could Be the Secret to Better Wellness

Coffee is more than a pick-me-up. It’s a beverage linked to improved brain health, metabolic strength, heart resilience, and even a longer life. With antioxidants and plant compounds working alongside caffeine, it’s no wonder researchers call it one of the most powerful wellness drinks available.