12 common phrases people use when they’re lying

Many people believe they can easily spot a liar, but research shows that most of us lie more often than we think.

Long-term diary studies show that students tell about two lies a day, while adults tell about one. In a 91-day study summarized by the University of Wisconsin–La Crosse’s tracking of 116,366 lies, about 75% of people told 0 to 2 lies per day. However, a small group of frequent liars was responsible for most of the lies.

Lying happens more often than we think, and it is not always done out of malice. People often lie to handle social situations, avoid awkwardness, or protect themselves. These small, everyday lies usually go unnoticed, but learning to spot common phrases liars use can help us recognize when someone is not telling the truth.

Even small lies can slowly damage trust in relationships, so it is important to be aware of these verbal cues.

“To Be Honest…”

Studies by Psychologist Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts show that about  60% of people lie at least once during a short conversation, often using phrases like “to be honest” or “honestly” when they think their story might be doubted. These phrases are meant to make statements sound more truthful, but they often have the opposite effect.

People who lie tend to stress their honesty, which can actually make them seem less genuine. Instead of building trust, these words can make others more suspicious. Ironically, the more someone emphasizes their honesty, the more likely they are to be trying to cover up something.

The need to “prove” one’s truthfulness signals that there’s more to the story than meets the eye

“I Swear I’m Not Lying.”

Diary studies tracking tens of thousands of lies over weeks show that a small percentage of participants—“prolific liars”—tell 10+ lies per day, and they frequently lean on emphatic assurances such as “I swear” or “I promise” to make their claims sound stronger. The use of these phrases is particularly common among people who lie often, as they try to convince the listener that their words are trustworthy.

It’s like a defense mechanism: the more frequently they swear on their truthfulness, the less likely they think you are to question them. However, these exaggerated declarations often draw attention to the inaccuracy of their words. The more they swear, the more suspicious it becomes that they are hiding something.

“Trust Me, I Would Never Do That.”

Linguistic-style research combining multiple deception experiments found that liars use fewer self-references (“I”) and fewer complex thinking words, while increasing negative emotion words and some distancing language, which can distinguish lies from truths with better-than-chance accuracy. This phrase is often used as a defensive statement, leading the listener to believe that the speaker has the highest regard for their trust.

Yet, these kinds of appeals are often used to distract from the deeper truth, shifting focus away from the facts of the situation and onto the speaker’s personal integrity. The more they distance themselves from wrongdoing with phrases like this, the more likely it is that they’re concealing their true intentions or actions.

“Why Would I Lie to You?”

A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology on verbal cues in group discussions found that people could detect ulterior motives from what was said and how it was phrased, even when they couldn’t explain exactly why, supporting the idea that certain defensive phrases trigger an intuitive “something’s off” reaction. This phrase is a classic way of deflecting suspicion.

It’s not a question about the truthfulness of the statement but an emotional appeal to make the listener doubt their own judgment. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, the speaker turns the conversation personal, questioning your trust in them rather than giving a direct answer. This redirection makes the person feel guilty for even doubting them.

“You’re Reading Too Much Into This.”

A major review of lie-detection research found that common signs, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, are not strong indicators of lying. In fact, people are only slightly better than chance at spotting lies. The accuracy of detecting lies is often just above 54%, making it difficult for most to discern truth from deception.

Because of this, dismissive phrases are often used to shut down real doubts. When someone says, “You’re overthinking it,” they are not just dismissing your concerns but also trying to make you feel wrong for questioning them. This tactic shifts attention away from the lie and makes you second-guess your instincts, further undermining your judgment.

“Look, I Don’t Really Remember.”

A 2020 overview by Digital Commons of non-verbal deception signs argued that widely marketed cues like “microexpressions” and body-language tricks have limited empirical support, and that because lying creates cognitive load, vague memory phrases are often used to avoid specific details that could be checked. Instead of offering a straightforward explanation, this phrase conveniently omits crucial facts, leaving just enough ambiguity to avoid accountability.

The speaker avoids committing to specific details, deflecting further questioning. This tactic is effective when the liar wants to create space between the current conversation and their actions, without outright lying.

“I’d Tell You, But You’d Just Get Mad.”

This phrase is a manipulative tactic in which the speaker blames the listener for not sharing the truth. By making the listener feel responsible for keeping secrets, the speaker avoids the uncomfortable conversation. It casts the other person as overly emotional or irrational, while simultaneously portraying the speaker as considerate for withholding information.

This tactic prevents open communication and undermines trust by making the other person feel guilty for their emotions, rather than focusing on the truth that needs to be addressed. It effectively shifts the blame and focuses on the listener’s reactions rather than the core issue, reinforcing the lie and avoiding accountability.

“Everybody Does It.”

Recent lying statistics from Magnet ABA Therapy summaries suggest that 80% of lies go completely undetected, meaning normalization phrases like “everybody does it” often gloss over behavior that is never seriously questioned. This phrase attempts to justify an action or decision by making it seem like a common, acceptable practice.

By invoking social norms, the speaker attempts to diminish the impact of their lie and make it seem less severe. It’s a way to avoid taking responsibility by implying that the behavior is universally normal and shouldn’t be scrutinized.

This tactic helps the speaker avoid guilt or accountability while making the listener feel as though their concerns are unfounded or exaggerated.

“That’s Not What Happened.”

This phrase is a prime example of gaslighting, where the speaker aggressively rewrites the narrative to avoid responsibility for their actions. It shifts the focus from the reality of the situation to an alternative version that puts the speaker in a more favorable light.

By denying what was said or done, they attempt to distort the truth and make the other person question their perception of events. This tactic can create confusion and self-doubt, making it harder for the listener to know what’s real and what’s being manipulated.

The goal is to erode the listener’s confidence in their own memory and judgment, thereby controlling the situation and avoiding accountability.

“It Was Just a joke.”

Practical deception guides and communication articles often flag phrases like “it was just a joke” as verbal red flags because they reframe a hurtful or suspicious statement as harmless humor instead of engaging with the concern. This is one of the most common ways to minimize the seriousness of a deceptive statement.

When someone uses humor as an excuse, they are likely trying to avoid the impact of their words and steer the conversation away from any discomfort they caused. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to downplay the effect of what was said and keep the focus on their supposed innocence.

“You Misunderstood Me.”

Perfect for explaining how chronic “you took it the wrong way” can be used to dodge taking responsibility for the impact of their words. Instead of acknowledging the hurt their actions cause, the speaker deflects responsibility and blames the listener for a “misunderstanding.”

This tactic is used to avoid addressing the true nature of their words or actions, making the listener feel as if they are at fault for misinterpreting them. It shifts the blame and allows the speaker to escape responsibility for their impact.

By doing so, they avoid confronting the emotional fallout of their behavior, making it harder for the listener to hold them accountable for the harm caused.

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