14 reasons some men believe feminism complicates dating

Navigating the dating world has never been straightforward. Still, today, many men feel they’re facing an entirely new set of rules, especially amid the rise of feminism and the ongoing #MeToo movement.

While gender equality has brought about positive change, it has also created uncertainty, leaving some men unsure about their roles in romantic relationships. According to an Ipsos survey, 32% of men globally believe feminism does more harm than good, and 33% believe traditional masculinity is under threat. These statistics provide a glimpse into the complexity of modern relationships, where traditional norms are being redefined.

Men today are caught between embracing the progress of gender equality while grappling with the evolving expectations that feminism brings to dating. Have you felt confused about where you fit into these changes? Let’s examine the 14 reasons why some men think feminism makes dating more complicated, to understand these views better.

Confusion Over Evolving Dating Scripts

For generations, traditional dating scripts were clear: men took the lead, men paid, and men were expected to propose. However, as gender roles evolve, these scripts no longer fit perfectly into modern relationships. They wonder if opening a door for a woman is still appropriate or if they should be more assertive in pursuing a relationship.

A survey from Ipsos shows that 32% of men feel feminism does more harm than good, with a lot of this resistance rooted in confusion over changing social rules. The confusion doesn’t stop there. This can lead to a feeling of being “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” They wonder if they’re seen as outdated or unchivalrous when they try to act in traditional ways.

Emotional and Psychological Threats

One of the biggest hurdles that many men face is the challenge to their masculine identity. Traditional masculinity has often been tied to being a provider and protector, but as women gain financial independence, many men feel their traditional role is being undermined. A 2024 Pew Research Center study found that about three-in-ten men (31%) say women’s gains have come at the expense of men.

This loss of traditional gender roles can be psychologically threatening, particularly for men who strongly identify with these roles. As they navigate relationships, the fear of misinterpretation leaves many men feeling they’re “walking on eggshells”. The fear of making a mistake in these delicate times adds extra anxiety to dating.

The Influence of Anti-Feminist Online Communities

While most men are open to progress, some find themselves drawn to anti-feminist online communities. These communities often paint feminism as a threat to men’s rights and reinforce a victimhood narrative. The exposure to these groups increases the likelihood that men will hold regressive views on gender roles.

This backlash is particularly evident among younger men, with many feeling that feminism “discriminates” against them. It’s not just about equal rights; it’s about losing ground in what they perceive as their traditional roles in society.

Operational and Practical Difficulties in Relationships

Relationships today are more egalitarian, but this doesn’t always mean equal labor. Men still pay for most first dates and are generally expected to cover more of the costs, even though many would prefer a more equal sharing of expenses, as Sage Journals highlights. This creates a feeling that the playing field isn’t level, leading to resentment and confusion about expectations.

Moreover, women’s increased independence can make men feel like they’re losing their role in the relationship. Instead of fostering mutual cooperation, dating sometimes feels like a competition, particularly when both partners are focused on their careers.

Perceived Loss of Romance

Some men believe that feminism has led to the “death” of traditional romance. Many men experience modern dating norms, which emphasize equality, as less straightforward and less traditionally “romantic.” They sometimes feel that this shift in how relationships are viewed is tied to changing gender expectations and feminist ideas.

For these men, romance now feels more like a negotiation. Courtship gestures that were once considered purely romantic are now critiqued in some circles as outdated or even patriarchal. This leaves some men longing for a simpler approach to dating, unsure of how to express care without stepping on evolving norms.

Confusion About Who Should Take the Lead

There’s still a lingering expectation that men should initiate in dating, but how they should do so has become increasingly unclear. On one hand, women are seeking equality, but on the other hand, many still expect men to take the lead in certain aspects of the relationship. This tension between the desire for equality and the expectation of traditional roles often leaves men unsure of how to act.

In a 2022 U.S. survey by dating coach Blaine Anderson, 69% of American men said that fear of being labeled ‘creepy’ affects how they interact with women, and 44% said this fear makes them less likely to interact with women at all, romantically or otherwise. This creates confusion about how to navigate the unwritten rules of modern romance, leaving many men second-guessing themselves in the dating process.

The Clash Between Chivalry and Equality

In many relationships, men feel caught between the desire to be chivalrous and the push for equality. While many women still appreciate traditional romantic gestures, such as men paying for dates, opening doors, or helping with chores. These same gestures can sometimes feel patronizing in a relationship built on equal footing.

For men, it often feels like a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. For instance, if they offer to pay, they might be seen as reinforcing outdated gender roles. If they don’t, they risk appearing uninterested or even rude.

This clash between wanting to be respectful and embracing equality leaves many men unsure of how to navigate romantic situations and express care without overstepping evolving norms.

Emotional Vulnerability Expectations

There is an increasing expectation for men to be emotionally vulnerable, but this goes against the traditional masculine norms they were raised with. A study by ScienceDirect found that many men refrain from expressing their emotions because they were socialized to view emotional vulnerability as a sign of weakness. Dating today demands more emotional openness, yet many men feel unprepared for this new dynamic.

The pressure to be emotionally available can feel like a double-edged sword: men want to connect, but they also worry about appearing weak or too sensitive. This struggle is one of the reasons some men find modern dating overwhelming.

Also on MSN: 15 behaviors that can harm a marriage if left unaddressed

Fear of False Accusations

The #MeToo movement has been instrumental in raising awareness about sexual harassment and advocating for the rights of individuals who have experienced misconduct. However, it has also created significant anxiety for some men. Many now worry that their actions or words could be misinterpreted, leading to accusations of inappropriate behavior.

This heightened sensitivity makes dating feel like a minefield, with men unsure whether their gestures or intentions will be seen as offensive or unwelcome, even when they mean no harm.

Male Loneliness and Isolation

Loneliness among men is becoming an increasing concern. As social isolation grows, so does the pressure to succeed in dating. A 2023 Pew Research Center survey found that 63% of men under 30 are single, nearly double the rate of women in the same age group.

This contributes to a growing sense of competition in dating, where men feel they need to compete for attention on platforms like dating apps.

Conflicting Messages About Masculinity

Men today are often bombarded with conflicting messages about what it means to be masculine. They’re encouraged to be assertive and confident, but not aggressive, leaving them to navigate a fine line between self-assurance and overbearingness. Expected to be providers and caretakers, yet not to fall into traditional patriarchal roles that reinforce outdated gender dynamics.

These contradictions create confusion, making it difficult for men to know how to present themselves authentically. This internal tug-of-war can leave men feeling disoriented and unsure of how to navigate romantic interactions, questioning whether their actions will be seen as progressive or outdated, gentle or weak, caring or controlling.

Pressure to Meet New Feminist Standards

As feminism continues to push for equality in relationships, some men feel increasingly pressured to meet new standards of behavior, particularly in dating. While many men who align with feminist values report higher satisfaction in their relationships, they also face the challenge of consistently demonstrating those values in their actions and attitudes.

This pressure to act in ways that reflect feminist ideals, such as sharing emotional labor and challenging traditional gender roles, can feel like a heavy burden. For men still learning how to navigate these evolving norms, it can be overwhelming to balance personal beliefs with external expectations. This creates a sense of uncertainty in dating, with the fear of falling short of new, shifting ideals.

Social Media’s Role in Shaping Dating Expectations

Social media has amplified gendered expectations, creating a space where societal norms around dating are both magnified and constantly evolving. Platforms like Tinder and Instagram, which are integral to modern dating, have become arenas where men often feel pressured to conform to “progressive” dating norms.

This creates a sense of competition, where men constantly compare themselves to others and try to live up to an ever-changing standard. The result is a stressful environment where the pressure to meet these ideals often detracts from authentic connection and self-expression.

Perceived Male Privilege Under Attack

Some men feel that their male privilege is being challenged, particularly in the context of dating and relationships. As feminism pushes for more equal treatment and dismantles traditional gender roles, some men perceive this shift as an attack on the advantages they’ve historically held in society. They may feel that in the pursuit of equality, their experiences, perspectives, and needs are being overlooked or even actively criticized.

This creates a complex dynamic in which men struggle to reconcile their belief in equality with the sense that their place in society, particularly in relationships, is being undermined.

Key Takeaways

The shifting dynamics brought on by feminism and evolving gender roles have created a complex landscape for modern dating. Men today face confusion over outdated dating scripts, emotional vulnerability expectations, and fears of misinterpretation, all while trying to navigate the balance between chivalry and equality. They also experience challenges in understanding new norms around consent and dating behaviors.

The discomfort many men feel is part of an adjustment to a more egalitarian relationship dynamic, but the key to overcoming these hurdles lies in open communication, mutual respect, and understanding. As society continues to evolve, so too will the relationships that are based on these changing ideals.

Disclosure line: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.

The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love

The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love

Love is a complex, beautiful emotion that inspires profound behaviors. We express our love in various ways, some universal, while others are unique to each individual. Among these expressions, there are specific actions women often reserve for the men they deeply love.

This piece explores 15 unique gestures women make when they’re in love. From tiny, almost invisible actions to grand declarations, each tells a story of deep affection and unwavering commitment. Read on to discover these 15 things women only do with the men they love.

Why Your Daily Coffee Could Be the Secret to Better Wellness

Why Your Daily Coffee Could Be the Secret to Better Wellness

Coffee is more than a pick-me-up. It’s a beverage linked to improved brain health, metabolic strength, heart resilience, and even a longer life. With antioxidants and plant compounds working alongside caffeine, it’s no wonder researchers call it one of the most powerful wellness drinks available.