10 things parents must stop expecting from their adult children
Let’s be honest, parenting doesn’t come with an off switch. But as kids grow into adults, your approach definitely needs a serious upgrade.
The transition from parenting a child to forming a relationship with an adult child can be a maze of unspoken expectations and outdated assumptions.
For example, according to the National Journal of Environment and Scientific Research, 63% of students selected their field of study due to parental pressure, rather than personal interest, with over 90% not finding any fulfillment.
Clinging too tightly can alienate the very person you hope to stay close to. The truth is, your adult children are out there balancing careers, relationships, friendships, and the challenge of assembling IKEA furniture without tears.
For a relationship to truly flourish, adaptation is key. If you’re seeking a relationship reset, consider releasing these ten common expectations to foster a healthier, happier connection.
Constant Availability
Do you remember that you were the sun in the solar system of your child? Well, their cosmos has been broadened. You cannot realistically expect your adult child to be on call 24/7, replying to texts, answering calls, and welcoming unannounced visits.
Think of it like this: you wouldn’t expect your best friend to drop everything at a moment’s notice. Granting your adult children the same courtesy shows that you respect their very full lives.
Living According to Your Values
You have given them a strong base of beliefs and traditions, and that is a terrific beginning. However, a part of becoming an adult is building your own life on that basis. Asking them to follow your political opinions, ways of life, or line of work is asking to be at loggerheads.
They may be taking a different path, and that does not mean they are rejecting you; it means they are asserting themselves. The aim was never to produce a carbon copy of yourself but to bring an independent human being who can live a life of their own.
Unquestioning Obedience
The phrase “because I said so” has officially expired. While it may have been a go-to when they were seven, it has no place in a relationship with a 37-year-old.
It is wrong to expect an adult child to do everything you ask without even questioning, and thereby compromising the mutual respect that all healthy relationships are established on.
As psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, says, the most basic boundary-setting word is no. It lets others know that you exist apart from them and that you are in control of yourself.
You have gracefully transitioned from the role of their manager to their trusted consultant. Your job is to offer advice, but it’s their decision whether to accept it. In short: support decision-making, but don’t control it.
Emotional Caretaking
It’s a beautiful thing to have a close, supportive bond with your child. However, this bond becomes unhealthy when you start relying on them as your primary therapist, crisis manager, or marriage counselor.
This dynamic, often referred to as emotional parentification, is incredibly draining for them. They are busy managing their own emotional landscape without also being responsible for yours.
This isn’t just an opinion; research supports it. “A study published by ScienceDirect found that caregiving intensity was positively associated with depression and lower overall life satisfaction.”
It is vital to cultivate your own support system—friends, a partner, or a professional—so your child can simply be your child.
Sacrificing Their Own New Family
When your child begins a family of their own, be it with a partner or children, their first loyalty automatically shifts. This is a healthy and normal aspect of the life cycle.
Asking them always to put their own needs or family customs ahead of those of their new immediate family is like creating a tug-of-war, which will leave no one winning.
Being a champion of their new family structure, rather than competing with it, is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
Following Your Career Blueprint
In any case, you always dreamt of them inheriting the family business or becoming a doctor. But when you coerce your kid into a profession that would please your dream rather than their own, it can lead to a lifetime of regret and unhappiness.
According to the National Journal of Environment and Scientific Research, 63% of students chose their academic stream because of parental pressure, rather than their own interests.
This is a common problem, and many people end up regretting the decision they made. Would you not prefer to see your child content and satisfied in a profession they like, rather than a success and unhappy in one you chose for them?
Financial Support on Demand
It’s natural to help each other out, but there’s a wide gap between a one-time emergency and treating your adult child like a personal bank. Expecting them to consistently bail you out financially places an immense strain on their resources.
Many are already juggling student debt, mortgages, and the ever-rising cost of living. This “financial enmeshment,” as experts call it, can create a cycle of guilt and dependency.
Unrealistic Timelines for Success
“By your age, I was already married with a house!” Does that sound familiar? Comparing your child’s path to yours is common, but life isn’t a competition. Everyone builds their career, family, and happiness at their own pace.
Success means something different for everyone. Respect your child’s unique timeline. Pressuring them to hit certain milestones by a specific age adds a layer of anxiety they don’t need, as Integrative Psych highlights. Let them navigate their journey on their own schedule.
Being Their Only Source of Fulfillment
Your children are a big part of your life, but they can’t be your whole world. If your happiness and sense of purpose depend only on them, it puts too much pressure on them.
It’s important to have your own hobbies, friends, and sources of joy. When you build a full life for yourself, your children feel free to live their own lives without guilt.
Expecting a Debt of Gratitude
You’ve given up a lot for your kids: time, money, sleep, and perhaps even your peace of mind. They should be grateful, but using your sacrifices to make them feel indebted is not a healthy approach.
Reminding them of what you’ve done suggests they owe you, which can turn love into obligation. Love is a gift, not a debt. The sacrifices you made were gifts given freely from the heart. Expecting to be “repaid” for them fundamentally changes the nature of your bond.
The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love
The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love
Love is a complex, beautiful emotion that inspires profound behaviors. We express our love in various ways, some universal, while others are unique to each individual. Among these expressions, there are specific actions women often reserve for the men they deeply love.
This piece explores 15 unique gestures women make when they’re in love. From tiny, almost invisible actions to grand declarations, each tells a story of deep affection and unwavering commitment. Read on to discover these 15 things women only do with the men they love.
