12 subtle conversation habits that reveal someone is untrustworthy

Trust is officially an endangered species. In a world where deepfakes are real and reality TV is fake, figuring out who to believe has become a survival skill. We are currently living through a “trust recession,” with recent Pew Research Center data revealing that only 34% of U.S. adults believe “most people can be trusted.” That’s a lot of side-eye going around.   

I used to think I had a built-in lie detector until a “friend” borrowed money for a “medical emergency” that turned out to be a weekend in Vegas. We’ve all been there, right? The truth is, most of us rely on gut feelings that are about as accurate as a coin flip. But psychology and behavioral science offer us something better: specific, observable linguistic and behavioral cues.   

Here are 12 subtle conversation habits that reveal when someone might be taking you for a ride, backed by science and a little bit of hard-earned cynicism.

They Drop The “I” From Their Stories

Ever notice how some people tell a story about themselves but sound like they’re reading a police report? They might say, “The car was driven to the store,” instead of “I drove the car.” This is called linguistic distancing, and it’s a massive red flag.

According to research by Dr. James Pennebaker, a pioneer in computational linguistics, liars subconsciously distance themselves from their falsehoods by using fewer first-person pronouns, such as “I,” “me,” and “my”. They psychologically disassociate from the lie to alleviate guilt or cognitive load. If their story sounds like it happened to someone else, they might be trying to ensure it doesn’t stick to them.   

They Swear They Are Being Honest

Honest people generally assume you believe them. They state facts. Liars, on the other hand, know they are lying, so they try to sell you on their credibility. This results in performative honesty.

Watch out for conversational partners who pepper their speech with qualifiers like “To be honest,” “Frankly,” “To tell you the truth,” or “I swear on my mother’s grave”. As the old saying goes, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” If they have to label a specific sentence as “honest,” what were they doing the rest of the time? IMO, honesty shouldn’t need an introduction.   

They Answer Your Question With A Question

You ask a simple question: “Did you finish the report?” They reply: “Why would I not finish the report? Do you think I’m incompetent?” See what happened there? They didn’t answer; they deflected.

This technique is designed to shift the pressure from them back to you. By questioning your motives for asking, they force you to defend yourself (“No, I didn’t mean that!”), buying them time and distracting you from the fact that they never actually said “Yes” or “No”. It’s a classic manipulation tactic that turns the interrogation table on its head.   

They Repeat Exactly What You Just Asked

If you ask someone, “What time did you leave the bar?” and they echo, “What time did I leave the bar?”… pay attention. Unless there is a bad connection, this is often a stalling tactic known as the parrot response.

Lying takes serious brainpower. You have to invent a story, suppress the truth, and monitor the listener, all at once. This creates a high cognitive load. Repeating the question gives the liar’s brain a few extra precious seconds to construct a plausible answer. It’s the conversational equivalent of a buffering wheel.   

They Suddenly Sound Like A Lawyer

In casual conversation, we use contractions. We say “I didn’t,” “I couldn’t,” “I wasn’t.” But when people lie, they often unknowingly switch to formal overdetermination. They might say, “I did not take that money” with strange emphasis.

Forensic psychologists note that this rigidity signals that the speaker is over-controlling their language. They are so focused on getting the lie “right” that they strip away the natural rhythm of speech. If your laid-back buddy suddenly starts sounding like they are testifying before Congress, keep your guard up.   

They Switch Verb Tenses Mid-Story

Pay close attention to the grammar of their story. Truthful memories are usually recalled in the past tense because, well, they happened in the past. Lies, however, are often constructed in the present moment.

This can lead to tense slippage, where a person starts in the past tense (“I went to the store”) and slips into the present (“and then this guy comes up to me and says…”). It’s a subtle glitch, but it suggests they might be visualizing the fabrication in real time rather than recalling a fixed memory.   

They Get Outrageously Offended

Imagine you accuse a trustworthy friend of eating your lunch. They’d probably laugh or look confused. Now imagine an untrustworthy person. They might explode: “I can’t believe you would ask me that! After everything I’ve done for you?”

This is fake outrage, and it’s a form of gaslighting. The goal is to make you feel guilty for being suspicious. By reacting with disproportionate anger, they punish you for questioning them, training you to back off in the future. Genuine innocence is usually calm; guilty panic is loud.   

They Drown You In Irrelevant Details

Liars often operate under the mistaken belief that more detail equals more truth. They will tell you exactly what song was on the radio, what the waiter was wearing, and the precise time they looked at their watch, but they’ll be fuzzy on the main event.

Researchers from Harvard Business School found that liars use more words to stretch the truth, padding their stories with irrelevant specificity to make them seem vivid and credible. It’s a distraction technique. If they are telling you about the texture of the wallpaper while explaining why they missed a deadline, they’re probably hiding something.   

They Stare You Down Without Blinking

We’ve all heard the myth that liars look away. The problem is, liars have heard that myth too. To compensate, they often engage in aggressive eye contact, sometimes staring without blinking for uncomfortable periods.

Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent, notes that “predators and habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals” to check if you are buying their story. It’s an intimidation tactic disguised as sincerity. So, if someone is locking eyes with you like they’re in a staring contest, don’t assume they’re telling the truth—they might just be very good at acting.   

They Tell Stories That Are Too Perfect

Real life is messy. We forget things. We get confused. Honest stories often have gaps or nonlinear timelines. Lies, however, are often linear, chronological, and suspiciously streamlined.

Pennebaker’s research also found that liars use fewer exclusionary words, such as “but,” “nor,” “except,” and “without”. These words indicate a complex thought process in which you distinguish between what happened and what didn’t. Liars stick to a simple script because it’s easier to remember. If a story sounds too polished, it probably is.   

Their Voice Gets Squeaky Or Weird

Your vocal cords are controlled by the autonomic nervous system, which is hard to consciously control. When someone is stressed, like when they are lying, their muscles tighten, often raising their vocal pitch.   

You might also notice them clearing their throat frequently. The “fight or flight” response dries the mouth, leading to that nervous “throat clear” or lip-licking. Listen to the sound of their voice, not just the words. If they sound like they just inhaled helium while denying an accusation, take note.   

They Smirk When They Shouldn’t

This is the most chilling one. Sometimes, when a liar thinks they have successfully fooled you, a fleeting smile of satisfaction crosses their face. This micro-expression is called Duping Delight.   

Paul Ekman, the renowned psychologist, describes it as the pleasure we get from a challenge. If someone is telling you a sad story or denying a serious accusation, but their mouth twitches into a smirk, their emotions are incongruent with their words. Believe the smirk.   

Key Takeaway

We live in an era where trust is hard to come by, but you don’t have to be a detective to spot a fake. Untrustworthy people leak clues through their language, their voice, and their reactions. FYI: No single sign is proof of lying. You need to look for clusters. If someone drops their pronouns, stares you down, and gets outrageously offended, trusting them is a gamble you probably shouldn’t take.

Stay sharp, listen to your gut (but verify with your ears), and remember: honesty usually sounds like a conversation, not a performance.

Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.

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