13 things men secretly hope women will do on dates

Ever wondered what men secretly hope for on dates? Spoiler alert: it’s not always about your outfit or the fancy dinner choice. Sure, those matter, but there are a few surprises that fly under the radar and could totally elevate the vibe of the date. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, nonverbal cues and small, genuine gestures often have a bigger impact than we think. 

Ready for a peek into the mind of your date? Let’s discover 13 things men secretly hope you’ll do, and trust me, they’re more fun than you might think!

Laughing at their jokes (even the bad ones)

Let’s face it, everyone wants to feel funny. Whether it’s a clever one-liner or a dad joke that barely lands, men secretly hope you’ll laugh. In fact, according to YouGov, men feel more confident when their date laughs at their humor, even if it’s a bit cheesy. It’s not just about the laugh, it’s about the signal it sends: “I’m enjoying my time with you, and I appreciate you trying to make me laugh.”

Pro tip: Laughing in a natural way (not forced!) signals to your date that you’re engaged, playful, and enjoying the moment. Ever noticed how a good laugh can break the ice on a first date?

• Why it works: It lightens the mood and builds a connection
• How to nail it: Don’t fake it, genuine reactions make the best impression

Asking them about their passions

Men often enjoy talking about what matters to them, whether it’s their career, hobbies, or passions, and feeling heard can strengthen emotional connection. Research on dating behavior suggests that partners who show interest in one another’s lives and ask thoughtful questions tend to create a deeper rapport. For example, a 2024 review of psychological research shows that potential partners rate profiles and conversations more positively when they emphasize emotional connection, listening ability, and curiosity about the other person’s interests — traits linked to stronger attraction and relationship satisfaction.

When you ask sincere questions about someone’s interests and really listen, you’re signaling that you care about their inner world, and many people appreciate that.

• Why it works: It fosters a deeper connection and lets them share what makes them unique
• How to nail it: Be curious and open about what excites them, no need to pretend you’re an expert!

Giving them compliments that feel real

Compliments are great, but men secretly hope you’ll give them ones that show you actually pay attention. Instead of generic praise like “You look great,” try something more specific like, “You’ve got such a great energy about you, it makes everything feel fun.” Psychology Today explains that specific compliments boost self-esteem much more than general ones because they feel authentic.

So next time, compliment their personality, humor, or a quirky talent, they’ll be more flattered than if you just say they look good (even though that works too).

• Why it works: Specific compliments show you’re actually seeing them
• How to nail it: Think beyond appearance, praise their wit, charm, or the way they make you laugh

Sharing your own quirky interests

Guess what? Men love it when you open up about your own interests, even the weird ones. Whether you collect vintage postcards or binge-watch true-crime documentaries, being open about your quirks shows both confidence and vulnerability.

Ever notice how your energy shifts when you start talking about something that excites you? It’s magnetic. Sharing your quirky side shows that you’re down-to-earth and not trying to be someone you’re not.

• Why it works: It builds intimacy and shows authenticity
• How to nail it: Be open and relaxed about your unique interests, embrace your weird!

Being independent (but still interested)

Men secretly hope that you’re both self-sufficient and engaging. It’s a delicate balance: they want to see you as a confident person who can enjoy their own time but also as someone who values and enjoys spending time with them.  

Want to impress them? Show that you have a life outside the date, but that you also make time for them. Ever feel like being “too available” might come off as desperate? Turns out, a little independence actually boosts their attraction.

• Why it works: It signals self-confidence and value
• How to nail it: Be passionate about your hobbies, but also show you’re eager to connect

Showing interest in their family or close friends

This one’s a bit surprising, but men secretly hope you’ll ask about the important people in their lives. Showing genuine curiosity about their relationships with family or close friends not only makes them feel valued, but it’s also a great way to get to know them on a deeper level.

If you’ve ever caught yourself leaning in during a conversation about someone’s childhood friend or family trip, you’re not alone. That interest in their circle signals that you’re interested in their world beyond the surface.

• Why it works: It deepens your connection and shows empathy
• How to nail it: Ask questions about their friendships or family, but don’t pry too much

Offering to split the bill

Now, before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Men secretly hope that you’ll offer to split the bill, as it shows you’re not just expecting them to carry the entire financial load. In fact, according to YouGov, 67% of men say they feel more comfortable when their date suggests splitting the check.

This isn’t about trying to push equality for the sake of it; it’s about signaling mutual respect and independence. It also takes the pressure off them and shows that you’re not taking advantage of the situation.

• Why it works: It removes the financial pressure and shows equality
• How to nail it: Politely offer to pay your part; there’s no need to make it a big deal

Sending a casual text after the date

Believe it or not, men secretly hope that you’ll send a quick text after the date to let them know you enjoyed it. It’s a simple gesture that reassures them and shows you’re thinking of them. According to a 2018 survey by Elite Daily, 49% of men said they felt more secure in the relationship when women sent that “I had a good time” text.

It doesn’t need to be a long message; just a simple text saying, “I had a great time tonight,” can make them feel appreciated and reassured.

• Why it works: It reinforces your interest without being clingy
• How to nail it: Keep it simple, sincere, and laid-back

Taking the lead on a second date

It’s 2023, and men secretly hope you’ll take the reins for the second date. A study from the NIH found that women who plan the next outing are perceived as more confident and competent.

While some men still prefer the traditional role of asking for a second date, many appreciate a woman who takes initiative. Not only does it make you seem in control, but it also shows you’re interested enough to make plans without waiting around.

• Why it works: It shows confidence and genuine interest
• How to nail it: Offer a suggestion, but make sure it aligns with what you both enjoy

Not being afraid to be a little silly

Men secretly hope you’ll show a little fun side, even if it means being a little goofy. A study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who laugh and act a bit silly are perceived as more fun and likable.

You don’t have to perform stand-up comedy, but letting loose and enjoying the moment goes a long way. Ever notice how the best conversations happen when you stop worrying about being “perfect”?

• Why it works: It makes you more approachable and authentic
• How to nail it: Don’t take yourself too seriously, let the jokes flow

Expressing your vulnerability

Men secretly hope you’ll open up about your emotions. They don’t expect you to bare your soul on the first date, but they do appreciate it when you show real, honest feelings. A 2021 study published in Psychological Science showed that people who express vulnerability are seen as more attractive because they appear more authentic and genuine.

When you express vulnerability in a balanced way, it allows them to connect with you on a deeper level. It’s a signal that you trust them with your real self, which is a huge part of building a meaningful relationship.

• Why it works: It creates emotional intimacy and trust
• How to nail it: Be honest without oversharing, let them know you trust them with the little things

Giving them space to talk about themselves

Sometimes, men secretly hope you’ll ask them questions that let them talk about themselves more. Research from Harvard Business Review found that people who talk about themselves in conversation are often perceived as more attractive because they come off as confident and open.

So, let them have their moment. Just ask open-ended questions and give them room to shine. Ever noticed how men open up when you ask the right questions without interrupting them?

• Why it works: It boosts their confidence and creates a deeper connection
• How to nail it: Give them space to speak, but keep the conversation balanced

Ending the date with a clear invitation for future plans

Men secretly hope that you’ll make the next step clear. No one wants to feel like they’re playing a guessing game about whether you had a good time. So, after a great date, a simple, “I’d love to see you again,” can go a long way. It clears up any uncertainty and keeps the momentum going.

• Why it works: It shows you’re serious about the connection
• How to nail it: Keep it light and casual, no need to overthink it

Key takeaway

Men’s expectations for dates often get wrapped up in little details, such as laughing at their jokes, showing vulnerability, and taking initiative on a second date. Whether it’s a playful compliment or a simple text after the date, these gestures go a long way in building a meaningful connection. So, the next time you’re on a date, remember: the smallest, most sincere actions can leave the biggest impact.

And who knows? Maybe next time you’ll surprise him with something he didn’t even know he was hoping for.

Like our content? Be sure to follow us.