15 Reasons Some Men Grow Older Without Friends

Ever wonder why your dad, uncle, or even you have fewer friends than you used to? It’s not in your imagination. A 2021 study by the Survey Center on American Life found that 15% of American men reported having no close friends, a significant increase from the 3% recorded in 1990, representing a fivefold rise in the number of men lacking close friendships over a 31-year period.

This isn’t just sad; it’s a growing public health issue tied to loneliness and physical health risks. So, what’s really going on? Let’s take a look at the 15 evidence-based explanations for why some men notice their social circles shrinking with age.

Stigma surrounding Mental Health

Many men find it challenging to express their feelings, and discussing mental health can be particularly difficult. A recent Gallup News report sheds light on a concerning trend: 25% of U.S. men aged 15 to 34 reported significant feelings of loneliness the previous day. This figure notably surpasses the national average of 18% and also exceeds the loneliness reported by young women within the same age bracket (18%).

Loneliness in men is likely underreported because of the stigma around admitting vulnerability, making it harder to reach out and build the supportive friendships they need.

Life’s Big Shake-Ups

Significant life changes, such as retirement, moving, or divorce, can significantly disrupt a man’s social life. Retirement can, for instance, lead to the loss of camaraderie with workmates, which was a significant component of his social life. Lacking the intention to build new connections, these changes may leave men lost and alone.

Work Takes Over

The relentless pursuit of leadership often prioritizes work above all else. The World Health Organization states that poor working environments, including demanding careers with excessive workloads, long hours, low job control, and job insecurity, are indeed risks to mental health, contributing to stress and other challenges. 

Think of a friend who is perpetually “too busy” at work to hang out with you. As the years pass, such a trend can lead to social isolation, as happy hours are skipped and weekend invitations are declined, leaving little room for relationships outside of work to form.

Shifting Family Structures

The fabric of family life has changed, with smaller households and more people relocating for work. That leaves fewer natural sources of support from extended family.

For men who have relied on family events as a source of socialization, this shift can make a significant difference, leaving them increasingly dependent on the few relationships they do have.

The Fear of Being Vulnerable

Close friendships are built on trust and honesty, but men often struggle to reveal their inner selves to one another. Research shows that men are less likely to discuss personal or emotional topics, a significant drawback to establishing strong relationships.

The American Psychological Association has stated that adhering to traditional masculine norms like stoicism and self-reliance can negatively affect men’s mental and psychological well-being, contributing to isolation, strain, and other adverse outcomes. This hesitation to open up keeps friendships at a surface level, preventing the deep connection that makes friendships last.

Ingrained Gender Stereotypes

From a young age, most boys are conditioned to believe that “real men” don’t need anyone, that they are tough and independent. Such conventional expectations of masculinity discourage them from seeking help or even admitting that they need more intimate friendships.

Such conditioning becomes so ingrained in their belief system that seeking help when lonely is perceived as a perversion. Over time, this detached performance of independence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, resulting in a life with fewer intimate relationships.

Burnout Is a Friendship Killer

Being completely drained from work and life obligations leaves a person with not much time for others, including friends. According to the Pew Research Center, men remain the primary breadwinners in a majority of opposite-sex marriages. Just over half, 55% of marriages today have a husband who is the primary or sole breadwinner, and 16% have a breadwinner wife.

When you’re mentally and physically spent, the idea of organizing a get-together or even just calling a friend can feel like another exhausting task on an already long to-do list.

Fewer Social Hangouts

People are spending more time alone than they did 20 years ago, and older men are participating in fewer organized social activities.

Whether it’s a local sports league, a book club, or a volunteer group, these activities are fertile ground for friendships. When men stop engaging, their opportunities to make and maintain friends dwindle.

Declining Health and Mobility

As men age, health issues can become a significant barrier to socializing. Chronic illness or mobility issues make it physically challenging to leave the house and do things that once promoted friendship.

The National Institutes of Health has shown that aging adults who experience a decline in health are more likely to feel isolated and lonely. It’s hard to maintain friendships when you can no longer join your buddies for a round of golf or meet up for a weekly coffee.

Digital Connections Aren’t the Same

Technology can help us remain connected, but it is not always the best substitute for face-to-face interaction.

This shift is likely to coincide with rising rates of loneliness. A text message or a Facebook update just isn’t the same as sharing a laugh or a stimulating conversation face-to-face.

Losing a Spouse or Partner

For most men, their wife is their closest confidante and social bridge. When she passes away, the loss is deep on many levels. Widowhood significantly increases the likelihood of loneliness.

A 2025 Monash University study indicates that losing a spouse significantly increases loneliness. Losing their life partner can mean losing their primary source of emotional support and their link to a broader social circle, leading to profound isolation.

Moving Around

Whether it’s to retire in a warm climate or start a new job opportunity, moving away can be tough on friendships. Long-distance relationships can be challenging to maintain, and starting fresh in a new place is not easy.

Building a new social group involves effort. Without conscious effort, distance soon translates to social isolation.

Withdrawing After a Loss

When faced with a significant failure, such as loss or unemployment, men, in most cases, will withdraw rather than seek help.

According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, traditional masculine norms, viewing help-seeking as a weakness, and the stigma surrounding men’s mental health are primary factors preventing men from seeking psychological support. This emotional withdrawal can create a cycle of isolation, as friends may not know how to help or may eventually stop reaching out, leaving the man even more alone with his struggles.

Dependence on a Single Person

It is not uncommon for men to be intensely dependent on their spouse or partner emotionally. While this attachment is essential, it prevents them from having few, if any, other close friends.

When that key relationship fails, by divorce or loss, the whole support structure for that man can collapse. This over-reliance on one person leaves them highly susceptible to terrible social isolation when things go wrong, as they inevitably do.

A Fragmented Society

More broadly, cultural changes such as urbanization and decreasing communal engagement have undermined social ties for all. Communities are less close-knit, and involvement in community organizations has declined. 

The Survey Center on American Life study found that only 27% of men had six or more close friends, compared to 55% in 1990. This trend reflects profound cultural shifts that make it harder for everyone, but especially men, to build and maintain a strong network of friends.

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