8 Courteous Actions That Are Now Viewed as Rude
Ever wonder if your grandma’s “good manners” would get you side-eyed today? You’re not wrong to ask.
Etiquette isn’t some dusty rulebook set in stone. It’s a living, breathing thing that shifts with technology, culture, and our ever-evolving understanding of each other. Social norms are incredibly powerful. The Asch paradigm found that about a third of people (32%) would knowingly give a wrong answer just to fit in with the group around them. That’s how much we’re wired to follow the unwritten rules.
But here’s the thing: those rules are always changing. What was normal yesterday might be totally weird tomorrow. The good news is, the core of etiquette—respect, consideration, and honesty—never goes out of style. But how we show it has changed dramatically.
Insisting on a handwritten thank-you note
The old rule was simple: a proper thank-you required pen and paper. This tradition dates back to 1400s Europe and became popular in the U.S. in the mid-1800s. Failing to send a handwritten note on nice stationery wasn’t just lazy; it was a major social mistake that could genuinely damage a relationship.
Now? A quick, thoughtful email or text is often perfectly fine, especially in the professional world. While a handwritten note is still seen as the “gold standard,” most etiquette experts agree that a prompt digital thank-you is better than a late paper one.
In fact, a study from the University of Stavanger shows that 40% of Gen Z struggle with handwriting proficiency because digital communication is just how we live now.
Dropping by someone’s house unannounced
Remember when neighbors just popped over for a cup of sugar? That was once a normal, friendly thing to do. The front porch was a social hub.
Not anymore. Today, showing up at someone’s door without a heads-up is a major social foul. It’s seen as an intrusion on their privacy and personal time. The new rule is to send a quick text: “Hey, are you free? I’m in the neighborhood.”
Our lives are just more scheduled and private. As etiquette expert Lizzie Post puts it, even with close neighbors, a text is worth it because “You never know what people are up to.” Our homes have become our sanctuaries, not public spaces.
Practicing old-school ‘chivalry’
There was a time when the rules were clear. Men held doors for women, pulled out their chairs, paid for every date, and walked on the curb side of the sidewalk. It was seen as polite and protective.
Today, that kind of gendered courtesy can feel awkward or even condescending. The new rule is simple: politeness is gender-neutral. The polite thing to do is to hold the door for the person behind you, regardless of gender.
Dressing up for every occasion
Your grandparents probably dressed up to get on an airplane. In the Gilded Age, the wealthy would change outfits multiple times a day just to be “proper.” Dressing up wasn’t just for special occasions; it was a daily sign of respect.
Fast forward to today, and you might get strange looks for being too dressed up. Casual is the new normal. Comfort and appropriateness have replaced strict formality as the guiding principles of getting dressed.
The data is striking. A 2023 Gallup poll found that a mere 3% of American workers now wear “business professional” clothes like suits. A whopping 72% wear either business casual (41%) or casual street clothes (31%).
Enforcing the ‘clean plate club’
“Finish everything on your plate!” For generations, this was the mantra at the dinner table. It was a rule born from a deeply ingrained cultural value of not wasting food, often rooted in memories of harder times.
Today, pressuring someone—especially a child—to clean their plate is seen as a big mistake. Nutritionists and psychologists now say this practice is harmful because it teaches people to ignore their body’s natural hunger and fullness signals.
Complimenting someone’s weight loss
“You’ve lost weight, you look amazing!” For a long time, this was considered one of the nicest things you could say to someone.
Not anymore. Today, making unsolicited comments about a person’s body or weight—even if you mean it as a compliment—is widely considered off-limits.
First off, most people just don’t want to hear it. A 2023 survey found that over half of Americans would rather not hear comments about their appearance at all, and 59% have trouble accepting such compliments. The top three topics people said are best avoided? Weight, skin, and teeth.
Calling someone without texting first
Back in the day, the purpose of a phone was simple: you used it to call people. Answering was just what you did.
Now, an unexpected phone call can feel like an ambush. The new etiquette is to send a quick text first: “Got a minute to chat?” It’s a small gesture that shows you respect the other person’s time and attention.
Assuming someone’s pronouns
For most of history, people assumed someone’s gender and pronouns (he/him or she/her) based on their name, clothing, or the sound of their voice. It was an automatic, unquestioned social habit.
That assumption is now a thing of the past. The new, respectful rule is that you can’t know someone’s pronouns just by looking at them. The polite thing to do is to ask, or to share your own pronouns first, to make it comfortable for them to share theirs.
This change is driven by a massive and rapid increase in awareness around gender identity. According to Pew Research, the share of U.S. adults who know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns like “they” is growing fast. In 2021, 26% of Americans said they know someone who prefers that others use gender-neutral pronouns such as “they” instead of “he” or “she” when referring to them, up from 18% in 2018.
Key Takeaway
Across all these changes, one big theme emerges: modern etiquette is less about following rigid, one-size-fits-all rules and more about being considerate of an individual’s time, personal boundaries, and identity in a faster, more diverse, and digital world.
The methods have evolved, but the core principle remains the same. As the legendary etiquette expert Emily Post said, good manners are simply “a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.” And that’s one rule that will never be rude.
16 Best Jobs for Pregnant Women
16 Best Jobs for Pregnant Women
Pregnancy is a transformative and joyous period in a woman’s life, but it comes with unique challenges and demands. One of the most crucial aspects during this time is ensuring a healthy work-life balance.
Finding the right job during pregnancy is not just about earning an income; it’s about maintaining your health, well-being, and peace of mind.
Science Tells Us What To Expect As We Age: Strategies for Thriving in Later Life
Science Tells Us What To Expect As We Age: Strategies for Thriving in Later Life
How does aging affect our bodies and minds, and how can we adapt to those differences? These are questions that pertain to us all. Aging gradually alters people over decades, a long period shaped by individuals’ economic and social circumstances, their behaviors, their neighborhoods, and other factors. Also, while people experience common physiological issues in later life, they don’t follow a well-charted, developmentally predetermined path. Let’s take a look at what science has told us to expect.
