Could ‘radical neighboring’ be the connection we all need?

I am lucky to have amazing “radical” neighbors. As a disabled, middle aged woman who lives alone, sometimes I feel stuck when I need help.

In the back of my mind, I often think “I may not have enough to afford help” and try to make do on my own. It’s the American way after all! “Pull yourself up from your bootstraps!”, my sixth grade teacher used to like to shout at us. Along with other strange things like “Work harder, or I promise you will be flipping burgers for the rest of your life!”, or “I’ll hang you up in the closet by your belt if you don’t follow my word!” All “jokes” but they still scared me! Man, the 90’s were weird.

I am super grateful that I have a very supportive partner who helps me a TON, and I get to see him 3- 4 days a week. I have a wonderful, close family, and a mother who visits to assist me multiple times a week. But doing normal adult activities, can still be hard for me sometimes.

Because I heavily relied on the kindness of others after my stroke, now that I have a bit more energy, I have been working hard to give back, what I can, to my community. I offer free and reduced babysitting for single mothers and families in my area. I offer inexpensive pet sitting. I make warm food for people affected by house fires, and for busy family and friends. I help friends (and strangers online) with my photshop abilities (I am part of a free photoshop requests group, where people ask for help photoshopping pictures).

I pay it forward as much as I can. I do these things to help others, of course, but in all honesty, after being so unable to do much for so long, my ability to “assist” others who have helped me SO MUCH, really helps my mental health. Giving back, and being of assistance is so good for my spirits. And I never really believed in karma, but maybe I do now.

Accepting Help Is Its Own Kind of Strength

During a large snow storm last night, I decided to go out into my driveway to begin shoveling. Ok maybe it was 3:30 in the afternoon, but it was getting dark, so it felt like night! Shoveling used to be hard work as a healthy person, but as a stroke survivor who expends a lot of energy just to keep myself upright in snow, shoveling can be a whole other level of hard.

I was happily shoveling, because it is a joy for me to be able to do small tasks like this again (finally!). But I wasn’t moving very fast. The snow was coming down strong! Then poof, I see my strong neighbor Rosie, dressed in a gorgeous, vintage, winter poncho, walking down her driveway, towards me. “Hi Chelsea! Can I give you a hand with shoveling?”

At first, it was very hard to accept her help, “I think I’m ok! Thanks though!” I blurted. It’s my so very American and typical canned response, I want to appear strong, and like I can do anything on my own. I want to pull myself up from my bootstraps, to maybe, somehow, prove to my sixth grade teacher that I am strong?!

Yes, I am working in therapy on doing less pleasing! But also, teachers, do remember that what you say to your kids, can become their inner monologue, for the rest of their dang life! Especially if you are dominant, loud and scary!

Anyways, I assumed Rosie would say “ok” and turn around, but she said “I’ll come help you!” And she just started to shovel the heavy snow by my trashcans. The part of my driveway I was dreading… And boom, her help made my night so much easier and brighter! Literally, the sun came back out as she was shoveling!

Radical Neighboring Alleviates Loneliness

I had also been feeling lonely this week. I have been cooped up inside a lot, and wished someone would come over- just so I could feel human again. It was like Rosie knew that I needed some human contact, and shoveling help.

We talked about current events, hobbies, our lives and as we finished up for the night, she mentioned one more thing that piqued my interest. “My boyfriend and I just watched a video on ‘radical neighboring’.” She explained how since hearing about this term, she has been doing acts of service for others. In her summary of “radical neighboring” it felt as if the “services” I have been offering to my community, now had a name.

I invite you to research this topic online. I invite you to give from your abundance (do not give when it doesn’t feel good to you, but when it does). Give what you have plenty of. Rosie has lots of strength, and she had time that evening, to help. I invite you to be like Rosie. To go out and help your neighbors. Maybe this “un-American” thing, helping others, when you have an opportunity to, instead of just taking care of yourself alone, is the thing we really do need the most, in this post-COVID, penny-pinching (lol, wait what is a penny again?) and introverted new world.

Maybe helping and “neighboring” can be the new “American way”? I really think the insular way I learned to live in Elementary school isn’t doing much service for us anymore.

What Does Radical Neighboring Mean?

• Seeing neighbors as part of a shared community rather than isolated private lives. It means rejecting the idea that “everyone is on their own” and instead embracing interdependence.
• Showing up with ongoing, everyday acts of care — not just one-time charity or emergencies, but regular, small acts (help with chores, errands, companionship, meals, babysitting, pet care, etc.).
• Dismantling boundaries — cultural, social, economic, or emotional — that separate people. What matters is not whether neighbors “deserve” help, but that we choose to be present for each other, unconditionally.
• Mutuality and reciprocity, not hierarchy — help isn’t about “charity” from above, but about solidarity, mutual aid, community. The helper and the helped are part of the same social fabric; sometimes roles shift.
• Embodied care and presence — time, energy, companionship, emotional support — not just material resources. It’s about being human together.
• Reimagining “neighbor” — not just the person next door, but anyone around you: across difference in background, circumstance, ability — “neighbor” becomes a broader, more inclusive concept.

You might also be interested in reading:

• When the Holidays Hurt: Why December Intensifies Loneliness—and What Eases It
• More Young Adults Are Having Strokes — A Personal Wake-Up Call and What the Data Reveals
• 10 Stroke Symptoms Americans Ignore All the Time