Things to Avoid Saying to a Homeless Person
Visual Capitalist reports that on any given night in America, a population larger than the entire state of Alaska is experiencing homelessness. It’s a staggering thought, isn’t it?
Let’s break it down. In January 2024, the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) reported that 771,480 people were without a stable place to call home. This isn’t a slow-moving issue; it’s a full-blown crisis that jumped by a record 18% in just one year, according to USAFacts.This surge is fueled by a perfect storm of skyrocketing housing costs, a shortage of mental health resources, and wages that just can’t keep up.
When we see someone on the street, our first instinct is often to help. But what we say in those moments matters—a lot. Most of us want to help, but sometimes our words, even with the best intentions, can do more harm than good.
“Why don’t you just get a job?”
This is probably the most common—and most misguided—comment of all. It’s built on the myth that people experiencing homelessness are lazy, but the data tells a completely different story.
Believe it or not, a huge portion of the unhoused population is already working. Studies show that as many as 40% to 60% of people experiencing homelessness have a job. Another analysis from the University of Chicago found that 53% of adults in shelters and 40% of unsheltered individuals were employed during the year they experienced homelessness.
Even for those without a job, finding one is like trying to climb a mountain with no gear. You need an ID, but documents are often lost or stolen on the street. You need an address for applications, a phone for callbacks, and Wi-Fi to even search for openings. You need clean clothes and a place to shower for an interview.
And even if you overcome all that, you face crushing stigma. A YouGov poll found that 40% of employers didn’t even know it was legal to hire someone experiencing homelessness and said they’d likely fire an employee if they found out.14 It’s a final, brutal wall to hit.
“Why don’t you go to a shelter?”
This question seems logical, but it assumes that shelters are a readily available and viable option for everyone. They’re not. In 2023, the U.S. had a nationwide shortfall of 200,000 shelter beds. In California, the gap is over 110,000 beds on any given night, according to the Public Policy Institute of California.
Even when a bed is available, it might not be a safe choice. Many people avoid shelters due to legitimate fears of violence, theft, and abuse.
A National Transgender Discrimination Survey, for example, found that a quarter had been physically or sexually assaulted in shelters by residents or staff. Beyond physical safety, crowded conditions can lead to health issues.
“You don’t look homeless.”
You might mean it as a compliment, but this phrase can be incredibly invalidating and reveals a lot about our own biases.
When you say, “You don’t look homeless,” you’re really saying, “You don’t fit my mental image of a dirty, disheveled person.” You’re expressing surprise that someone experiencing a crisis can still look “normal.”
This comment reinforces the very stigma that makes life so much harder.
Person-first language: A better way
Instead of saying “a homeless person,” try “a person experiencing homelessness.”
Why? Because it puts their humanity first. “The words we use to describe people powerfully affect our attitudes and assumptions about them,” says Jennifer L. Rich of the US Interagency Council on Homelessness. It frames homelessness as a temporary situation they are going through, not the sum of who they are.
“Don’t spend it on drugs or alcohol.”
This is another common, well-intentioned comment that is deeply rooted in a false stereotype and strips a person of their dignity.
The idea that everyone experiencing homelessness is addicted to drugs or alcohol is simply not true. NYU News states that it is believed that only about 20% to 40% of the unhoused population has a substance use issue.
Substance use is often a coping mechanism for the relentless trauma and stress of homelessness, not the cause of it.
“Get help” or “I know how you feel.”
These phrases are often our go-to lines when we feel uncomfortable and want to end an interaction quickly. But they can feel dismissive and hollow to the person hearing them.
Telling someone to “get help” is a bit like telling someone who’s upset to “calm down.” It’s not helpful.
A person experiencing homelessness has almost certainly tried to get help, only to run into a maze of underfunded, overwhelmed, and complicated social services.
The system is stretched thin. For example, federal Housing Choice Vouchers—a key form of “help”—are only able to assist one in four eligible households due to a lack of funding. The “help” you’re suggesting might not even exist for them.
Empathy vs. sympathy: The danger of false equivalence
Saying “I know how you feel” is almost always untrue unless you’ve also experienced homelessness. It can come across as patronizing and can minimize the unique trauma of their situation.
True empathy isn’t about claiming to have lived their life. It’s about acknowledging their pain without pretending to fully understand it. As writer Jocelyn Figueroa, who experienced homelessness herself, wrote, “When you’re homeless, it can feel like you’re invisible or, worse, less than human. Unworthy… I felt alienated, like I had ruined my entire life.” That’s a feeling few of us can truly know.
A better approach: What to say instead
So, what can you do? Offer your humanity.
Start with a simple “Hello” or “Good morning.” Acknowledging someone’s presence is a powerful act of dignity.
Instead of assuming, ask. A simple “Is there anything you need right now?” respects their autonomy and lets them tell you what would actually be helpful. It might be a bottle of water, a pair of socks, or just a moment of conversation.
And sometimes, the best thing to offer is just your presence. “I’m here to listen if you want to talk” can be a lifeline for someone who feels invisible.
Key Takeaway
At the end of the day, it’s about connection, not correction. Our words have the power to either build a wall of judgment or a bridge of compassion. Let’s choose the bridge.
- Don’t say “Get a job”: Many people experiencing homelessness are already working but face systemic barriers and wages that don’t cover rent.
- Don’t say “Go to a shelter”: Shelters are often full, can be unsafe, and have restrictive rules that force impossible choices.
- Don’t say “You don’t look homeless”: This reinforces harmful stereotypes and invalidates a person’s struggle. Homelessness is a circumstance, not an appearance.
- Don’t say “Don’t spend this on…”: This removes a person’s dignity and autonomy. True help is given without judgment or strings attached.
- Don’t say “Get help.“: Instead of offering empty advice, offer your presence. A simple “hello” or a listening ear can restore a sense of humanity.
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