12 things marriage requires men to stop doing

Ever wonder why some marriages thrive while others just survive? It often comes down to the small, silent habits we nurture without realizing the damage they do. I learned this the hard way early in my marriage when I thought “helping” with the dishes was a badge of honor, only to realize I was treating my wife like a project manager rather than a partner.

Marriage isn’t just about love; it’s about the mechanics of how we live together. According to the National Marriage Project, the quality of your union directly affects your life satisfaction. So, let’s get real about the habits that need to go.

Stop Treating Communication Like a Battle

Communication is everything in a marriage, but if you treat every disagreement like a war to be won, that’s a toxic habit, and you’re setting yourself up for trouble. Studies have shown that criticism, contempt, and defensiveness lead to divorce in over 80% of cases. Instead of seeing conflict as a fight, approach it as a problem to solve together.

Healthy marriages thrive on positivity, listening actively, and focusing on specific issues rather than attacking each other. Work together, not against each other, and your relationship will grow stronger.

Stop Stonewalling and Shutting Down

Stonewalling, which is when you emotionally shut down or walk away from difficult conversations, can slowly destroy a marriage. It sends the message that you don’t care to resolve issues, leaving your partner feeling ignored and alone.

Rather than shutting down, take a regulated break to cool off and then return to the conversation when you’re ready. This gives both of you space to process and keeps the emotional connection intact. Consistent communication is key, even during tough times.

Stop Leaving the Mental Load to Her

When men don’t share the mental load of the constant thinking, planning, and organizing that goes unnoticed, it falls squarely on their wives. This invisible burden adds unnecessary stress, leading to frustration and emotional burnout.

Sharing this load can significantly reduce stress and increase satisfaction in your marriage. Help with planning and decision-making, not just the physical chores, and you’ll find that your wife will feel more appreciated and less overwhelmed. A little teamwork goes a long way.

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Stop Opting Out of Housework and Childcare

If you’re leaving most of the household chores and childcare duties to your wife, it’s time to rethink your role. Couples where the man isn’t actively involved in these tasks often report lower marital satisfaction.

Men taking equal responsibility for routine chores and child-rearing shows your partner that you’re in this together. It reduces burnout, fosters mutual respect, and strengthens your team’s bond. Be present and proactive, not just when it’s convenient.

Stop Treating Her Emotions as Irrational

Dismissing your partner’s emotions as “too sensitive” or “dramatic” shows a lack of emotional intelligence. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a healthy marriage, and invalidating her feelings damages that connection. Instead of brushing off her emotions, validate them by acknowledging her feelings and showing empathy.

This simple act of listening and understanding deepens the emotional bond between you and strengthens your relationship satisfaction. After all, feeling “heard” is one of the best gifts you can give in a marriage.

Stop Avoiding Hard Conversations About Sex

Sex is a crucial part of any marriage, yet many couples avoid discussing it altogether. Whether it’s about frequency, desires, or issues in the bedroom, avoiding these topics breeds silent resentment.

Men who communicate openly about their sexual needs and listen to their partner’s desires report higher relationship satisfaction. Being honest and nonjudgmental when discussing intimate topics strengthens the emotional and physical connection. So, don’t avoid the conversation; it’s necessary for a fulfilling marriage.

Stop Acting Like Commitment Is on Autopilot

Marriage requires continuous effort, not just going through the motions. Complacency in a relationship is a killer, so when you stop actively committing, whether emotionally or physically, it weakens the bond. Commitment means choosing each other every day, even when times are tough.

Make plans for the future, protect your boundaries, and show up for your partner during stressful moments. These actions signal loyalty and deepen your connection, keeping your relationship secure.

Stop Using Contempt, Mockery, and Disrespect

Contempt is one of the most destructive behaviors in a relationship. Sarcasm, eye rolls, and gaslighting phrases chip away at trust and respect, making your partner feel inferior. Over time, this destroys the emotional connection and leads to dissatisfaction.

Replacing contempt with appreciation and kindness in conversations can rebuild respect and improve problem-solving. Simple gestures of respect go much further than sarcastic remarks.

Stop Treating Stress and Burnout Like a Private Mission

Stress from work, finances, and life in general doesn’t just affect you; it affects your marriage as well. Men who bottle up their stress or isolate themselves can become emotionally unavailable, making things worse.

Sharing your stress and working together on coping strategies helps reduce the burden on both of you. It also strengthens your emotional bond and makes your marriage more resilient. Remember, you’re in this together, so don’t try to handle it all alone.

Stop Clinging to Rigid, Outdated Gender Roles

Outdated gender roles don’t have a place in modern marriages. Men who cling to traditional expectations in which they work and their wives handle everything else create imbalance and resentment. Sharing responsibilities equally, whether it’s childcare, housework, or decision-making, leads to a healthier, more respectful partnership.

The more flexible you are, the more you’ll foster an environment of mutual respect and trust. The goal is to be equal partners, not living by old rules.

Stop Refusing Growth, Therapy, or Feedback

Growth is essential in any relationship, but men who view therapy or feedback as an attack are missing out. Couples who engage in therapy or relationship education see significant improvements in communication, empathy, and satisfaction.

Openness to feedback and self-reflection helps you break destructive patterns and strengthens your marriage. Whether it’s through counseling or personal growth, embracing change can lead to a more fulfilling, long-term partnership.

Stop Taking Her Presence for Granted

Marriage thrives on little acts of love, appreciation, and gratitude. When men stop pursuing their wives or fail to express thanks, it can make their partner feel invisible. Small gestures of affection and appreciation, like compliments, thoughtful acts, and check-ins, can make a huge difference in maintaining a strong emotional connection. Don’t take her for granted. Show her you appreciate her every single day.

Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.

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