14 things parents should stop saying to teenagers
We’ve all been there, hearing those phrases from our parents that we just know aren’t helpful. But what if those well-meaning words actually hinder a teen’s emotional growth or self-esteem?
Certain comments, though intended to guide, can actually create anxiety and a sense of inadequacy. Invalidating or shaming language contributes to long-term mental health challenges, especially during the tumultuous teenage years. Children’s Health Council warns that harsh verbal discipline in adolescence can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and behavior problems in adulthood.
Parents today are learning that it’s important to approach teenagers with empathy rather than criticize them or dismiss their feelings.
“You’re So Dramatic” / “You’re Overreacting”
Telling a teen they’re being dramatic dismisses their feelings and teaches them that their emotions don’t matter. That’s something no teenager should have to deal with during a sensitive period of their life.
According to Kieval Counseling, this kind of response undermines a teen’s emotional regulation and can lead to poor help-seeking behavior later on. Teens need their feelings validated, even when they seem exaggerated.
Instead, adults should acknowledge their teens’ emotions and coach them toward problem-solving. Saying “I can see this is a big deal to you” can create a safe space for open dialogue without downplaying their experience.
“Because I Said So” / “End of Discussion”
Shutting down a conversation with an authoritarian statement stifles trust and open communication. It’s a common mistake most guardians make when they try to direct teenagers.
Tiera Foy highlights that teens are more likely to open up when they feel heard and respected. Dismissing their thoughts with phrases like “because I said so” can discourage them from sharing what’s really going on.
Instead of closing off communication, parents should offer explanations and keep the conversation flowing. Engaging teens in dialogue helps build trust, and they are more likely to cooperate when they understand the reasoning behind decisions.
“What’s Wrong With You?” / “You’re So Lazy/Stupid”
Using global insults like “lazy” or “stupid” attacks a teen’s character and can lead to long-term emotional harm. It’s important to realize that words can have a very big impact on impressionable teenagers.
Researxhers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of Michigan found that verbal abuse, especially in adolescence, increases the likelihood of depression in teens and also behavior problems. When teens are insulted rather than guided, they internalize negative labels that undermine their self-worth.
Parents should avoid shaming language and instead focus on specific behaviors. Instead of saying “what’s wrong with you,” try “I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling with this task, let’s work together to figure it out.”
“I Was Never Like That at Your Age”
Comparing your teen to your younger self creates unnecessary competition, rather than fostering understanding. Such unnecessary pressure is unhealthy for such young minds.
Based on information from Newportacademy, today’s teens face pressures such as social media comparison and academic demands that previous generations didn’t experience. Saying, “I was never like that,” can feel dismissive of their unique struggles.
Instead of comparing generations, adults should offer empathy and support. For example, saying “I understand things are tough for you now, but let’s talk about how we can manage this together” encourages connection and problem-solving.
“It’s Not a Big Deal” / “You’ll Get Over It”
Dismissing a teen’s distress as unimportant can undermine their ability to trust their own feelings. It creates situations in which the teenager can’t figure out how to feel in stressful situations.
Even small problems may feel huge to teens in their social “spotlight.” Telling them “you’ll get over it” minimizes their experience and discourages open communication.
Adults should validate the teen’s emotions first. Saying “I understand this feels like a lot right now” can offer emotional validation, helping them feel seen and heard as they work through the issue together. It’s important for them to know you’re with them through anything they may face.
“You’re Too Sensitive”
Labeling a teen as “too sensitive” invalidates their emotional experiences and can push them to hide their feelings. It’s important to be careful not to create a toxic environment with your words that prevents the teenager from expressing themselves.
Labeling in of teens pathologizes normal emotional responses. Teens need to feel safe expressing their feelings without being made to feel weak or overly emotional.
Instead of dismissing emotions, women should acknowledge the behavior. Saying “I see you’re upset, let’s talk about what happened” shows support and encourages healthy emotional expression.
“As Long as You Live Under My Roof…”
Comments like this, when a parent uses housing or safety as leverage, damage the emotional safety at home. It causes the teenager to feel insecure in what was supposed to be their safe space.
Controlling language like this can backfire, actually increasing misbehavior and defiance in teens. It creates an adversarial relationship rather than a cooperative one.
Parents should focus on encouraging cooperation rather than using threats. Explaining “we need to have mutual respect in this home” fosters collaboration and reduces resentment. Never try to use basic human rights as leverage!
“Why Can’t You Be More Like…?”
Comparing your teen to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It’s a poor parenting tactic that most women use without realizing the harm it can cause to teenagers.
Constant comparisons to siblings, friends, or other family members can fuel rivalry and perfectionism. Teens internalize these comparisons as emotional abuse, which can contribute to substance abuse and poor mental health later on.
Parents should focus on the teen’s individual strengths instead of comparing them. Saying “I’m proud of your progress in this area” emphasizes personal growth and encourages self-worth.
“You Don’t Pay Any Bills, So You Don’t Get an Opinion”
Dismissive comments about a teen’s opinions can undermine their autonomy. This could cause teenagers to try to forcefully assert independence, leading to poor decisions down the line.
Respecting a teen’s viewpoint, even when it differs from yours, helps develop critical thinking and cooperation. Teens are learning to form their own identity, and shutting them down prevents that process.
Instead of dismissing their opinions, women should engage in respectful dialogue. “I see you have strong thoughts on this. Let’s talk about it,” encourages teens to express their ideas confidently.
“Give Me Your Phone, You’ve Lost It Forever”
Impulsive, extreme punishments can have lasting negative effects on communication. If your punishments seem unnecessarily cruel and spontaneous, it can start to erode years of trust.
Overly punitive actions, like taking away a phone, can prevent teens from discussing online risks and challenges. This often makes them more secretive about their digital lives.
Rather than resorting to extreme punishments, women should approach the situation collaboratively. “Let’s discuss your phone use and set some boundaries together,” opens a conversation while maintaining trust. Remember, the goal is to teach them what’s right, not punish them for mistakes.
“You’re Fine, Stop Crying”
Telling a teen to stop crying without acknowledging their emotions teaches them to bottle up feelings. Comments like this can retard their emotional growth and leave them emotionally stunted.
Emotional invalidation leads to internalized problems and hinders emotional regulation. Teens need help in processing their emotions, not being told to hide them.
Instead, parents should acknowledge the emotion first. “You’re really upset right now, let’s talk about what happened.” This shows empathy and helps the teen feel supported. You don’t want your teen to be scared to show you their true emotions!
“You’ll Never Make It If You Keep This Up”
Negative predictions about a teen’s future can reinforce a sense of hopelessness. Catastrophic statements lower self-esteem and increase risky behaviors. They often create a self-fulfilling prophecy, making teens feel inadequate.
Instead, parents should encourage effort and perseverance. Saying “You’re facing challenges, but I know you can overcome them” fosters resilience and determination.
“Boys Will Be Boys” / “That’s Not Ladylike”
Gendered clichés reinforce harmful stereotypes. They create an unnecessary and, most of the time, unfair divide between kids of different genders (with some feeling they’ve been given the short end of the stick ).
Phrases like “boys will be boys” excuse bad behavior and normalize it, while comments like “that’s not ladylike” create pressure on girls to conform to unrealistic standards. These messages contribute to body dissatisfaction and mental health problems later in life.
Instead of reinforcing these stereotypes, women should promote equality and self-expression. “You’re allowed to be yourself, no matter what others expect” helps foster confidence and authenticity.
“You’re On That Phone All Day, You’re Addicted”
Labeling a teen’s phone use as an addiction oversimplifies the issue. If you jump to slandering teens without properly introducing your opinions on their connection to their devices, you could close the door to a proper conversation on the issue.
Collaborative conversations about digital life are more effective than labeling behavior. Accusations often lead to secrecy, making it harder for parents to be involved in their teens’ online world.
Instead of labeling, parents should foster a healthy conversation. “Let’s talk about how much time you spend on your phone and what it means for you” helps the teen feel understood and supported.
How to look at it:
The words parents say to teens can either build or break their confidence. By avoiding shaming, dismissive, or controlling language, adults can create open, empathetic relationships with their teens. It’s time to change the way we communicate, ensuring that our words empower rather than undermine their growth.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
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