Is ‘Mankeeping’ Pushing Straight Women Out of Dating?

The current dating crisis is tied to a broader loneliness epidemic among men, and this loneliness is reshaping the dynamics of relationships. A recent longitudinal study published by BioMed Central found that men at various life stages report significant social isolation when they lack quality friendships or fulfilling community connections. Meanwhile, sociologists writing for Scientific American have observed that men’s emotional support networks rely much more on romantic partners than women’s do, particularly when men lack a solid peer support system. In these cases, many men turn to women to fill this void.

That over-reliance creates a “mankeeping” burden: women absorb unreciprocated labor, acting as confidantes, social organizers, and emotional anchors. But many of these same men are delaying commitment or parenthood, choosing single life in part because their social infrastructure fails — leaving women stuck in emotionally draining limbo.

As a result, an increasing number of women are opting out of dating — not out of despair, but out of self-protection and a refusal to subsidize male loneliness without reciprocity.

“Mankeeping” Origin

The term “mankeeping” isn’t just TikTok slang; it has a sociological anchor. It was coined by Stanford psychologists Angelica Ferrara and Dylan P. Vergara in a peer-reviewed paper, building on the established term “kinkeeping.” Mankeeping refers to the unreciprocated emotional and social labor that women perform to meet the social and emotional needs of the men in their lives (husbands, boyfriends, brothers, friends).

The academic origin reframes the issue from a simple relationship complaint to a systemic component of gender inequality. Ferrara’s research specifically links this female labor to the “male loneliness epidemic,” where shrinking male friend networks force women to become the sole source of emotional support, resulting in burnout.

Low-Commit

The concept thrives because of the pervasive low-commitment culture amplified by dating apps. The Pew Research Center’s 2023 survey found that 40% of people currently dating struggle to find others seeking the same relationship type. Single-and-looking women are also more likely than men to say they are only seeking a committed relationship (41% vs. 25% of men).

This data proves the structural mismatch in goals. Women often enter the market seeking defined commitment, while a statistically significant portion of men are seeking casual or undefined arrangements. Mankeeping is the inevitable outcome of this goal asymmetry.

Effort Drain

This goal disparity results in what can be called “effort insolvency.” Many women are citing a low return on investment (ROI) for the emotional and chronological energy they spend on dating. The experience rarely justifies the time and vulnerability required.

The general consensus across various sources points to dating being a negative experience for women compared to men (with 51% of women online daters reporting negative experiences versus 48% positive, per a 2023 Pew study). This indicates the market’s output—the dating experience itself—is failing a large portion of its female participants.

Also on MSN: 10 reasons women’s income drops after marriage, even without children

The Placeholder

Mankeeping is precisely the act of being relegated to the “placeholder” position. It’s when a man accepts a woman’s emotional and physical availability without integrating her into his future plans or social life, essentially reserving her for a “better option” to appear.

This is a direct consequence of unreciprocated labor. When a man relies on his partner as his “one-man support system” (as described by Vice Magazine) for emotional validation and social management, the woman is functioning as a needed utility rather than a valued, equal partner.

The Ambiguity

It’s not the eventual breakup that’s most draining; it’s the period of prolonged ambiguity. This happens when a man is reluctant to define the relationship, keeping it in a state of continuous, confusing “talking” or “hanging out.”

Psychology research shows that ambiguity is a natural motivator to search for information to make sense of the situation (Van den Bos et al., 2011). In dating, this constant “sense-making” demands immense cognitive resources. The lack of a firm answer keeps the woman’s brain perpetually activated, searching for clues.

Mind Real-Estate

Constantly interpreting texts, analyzing mixed signals, and trying to decipher the relationship status consumes valuable cognitive real estate. This is the mental bandwidth that could be used for work, hobbies, or friends, but is instead spent on a partner who won’t commit.

Processing complex or ambiguous situations increases cognitive load (stress on working memory). By refusing to offer clarity, the man imposes a high mental cost on the woman, making singleness a simple choice to regain mental clarity.

Bar is Hell

The joke that “The bar is in hell” speaks to a societal erosion of basic dating standards. Women frequently complain about the lack of proactive planning, poor communication, and general lack of courtesy from dates.

While direct statistical studies on “basic manners” are rare, the trend is supported by dating app data. The Pew Center reported that women who use dating apps are far more likely than men to experience unwanted behaviors like receiving unsolicited sexual messages (38% of users have received one, and women are more likely to have this experience). This exposure to low-quality interaction contributes to setting the baseline low.

Basics Pay

The irony is that basic effort is a massive differentiator. Data suggests men who take initiative—who suggest a specific date, make a reservation, and follow up—are far more successful. The effort is minimal, but the effect is huge.

This reinforces the concept of effort asymmetry. Because so many men put in minimal effort, the small number who put in the “basics” stand out disproportionately, validating the woman’s fatigue with the majority of low-effort encounters.

Solo Choice

Many women are simply choosing the stability of single life. Sociologist Dr. Bella DePaulo, a leading expert on single living, states that research does not prove that getting married makes people happier or healthier than they were when they were single. In fact, her research suggests single people are often more satisfied with their personal growth and have closer relationships with friends and family.

Dr. DePaulo’s work dismantles the cultural narrative (matrimania) that singlehood is a failure state. It shows that single life is a viable, often superior, emotional choice, providing a powerful social and psychological incentive for women to leave the frustrating dating market.

New Freedom

This acceptance of being happily single fundamentally shifts the cost-benefit analysis. The high cost of emotional labor and ambiguity is no longer worth bearing when the alternative is a self-directed life of peace and autonomy—or self-sovereignty.

When single women are objectively thriving (as suggested by DePaulo’s research on close social bonds and personal growth), the dating scene must offer a life-enhancement rather than a burden to be appealing. Mankeeping fails this essential test.

Self-Protect

Opting out is therefore an act of self-protection. It’s an assertion of boundaries against a system that attempts to extract uncompensated emotional labor.

Many therapists and researchers now argue that what looks like “giving up on relationships” among women is often a deliberate act of self‑preservation: they are increasingly unwilling to carry an unequal share of the emotional and cognitive load that comes with relational labor. This burden—sometimes called “mental load”—is both invisible and exhausting, and refusing to personalize it can be a way to protect one’s own well‑being.

Set Limits

Ultimately, the mass opting-out is a market correction. It is women collectively asserting the value of their time and emotional capacity by setting an ultimate limit: zero participation until the structural dynamic changes from “mankeeping” to true reciprocity.

This behavior is consistent with social movements in which a refusal to participate (a collective action or strike) forces a change in the status quo. The individual decision to stay single becomes a collective pressure point on the dating market.

Key Takeaways

• Not Just Men’s Problem — But Women’s Cost: Research shows men increasingly rely on romantic partners for emotional support, leaving women doing much of the relational labor.
• Life-Stage Loneliness: A study of men across different ages found that loneliness peaks in midlife and correlates strongly with weaker social relationships.
• Delayed Parent?hood & Commitment: Data from family-growth research indicates that modern men are starting families later, with many never making the transition into parenthood.
• Mental Load Is Real: New methodology quantifies how women experience higher cognitive and emotional fatigue from organizing relational and domestic tasks.
• Choosing Self-Sovereignty: As the emotional and cognitive returns on dating decline, more women are opting out to protect their well-being and set boundaries.
• Systemic Pressure Point: This opting-out isn’t just personal — it’s a latent market correction, signaling that women demand genuine reciprocity, not just free emotional labor.

Disclosure line: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.

The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love

The 15 Things Women Only Do With the Men They Love

Love is a complex, beautiful emotion that inspires profound behaviors. We express our love in various ways, some universal, while others are unique to each individual. Among these expressions, there are specific actions women often reserve for the men they deeply love.

This piece explores 15 unique gestures women make when they’re in love. From tiny, almost invisible actions to grand declarations, each tells a story of deep affection and unwavering commitment. Read on to discover these 15 things women only do with the men they love.