The 10 biggest lies narcissists tell themselves to keep their egos intact
Have you ever met someone who acts like the main character in every situation, always taking on the roles of hero, victim, and mentor? That person might be showing signs of narcissism.
Narcissism often rests on a shaky foundation, supported by self-deception. For example, a study from PubMed Central found that narcissism explained over 15% of the differences in deceptive behavior during experiments, across all types of narcissism.
It’s a complicated situation, and honestly, an interesting one. These are not just lies narcissists tell other people; they are also the lies they tell themselves to protect their grand view of the world.
To better understand this mindset, let’s look at what goes on in a narcissist’s mind. Here are the 10 biggest lies they tell themselves to keep things going.
“I am better than everyone else.”
This is the main belief that drives narcissistic behavior. They truly think they are better than others, whether it’s being more intelligent, more attractive, or more deserving. The Cleveland Clinic notes that feeling superior is a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
This goes beyond confidence; it’s a strong belief in their own uniqueness, often without real proof. It helps them justify entitlement and lack of empathy.
Why follow the same rules as the “average” person if, in their mind, they’re extraordinary? It’s a delusion of grandeur putting them at the universe’s center, with others in supporting roles.
“People are lucky to have me.”
A narcissist doesn’t just think highly of themselves; they believe everyone benefits from their presence. They often see themselves as contributing more to relationships, work, and social groups than others.
They see themselves as the brilliant planner, the fun person, and the wise advisor. While these qualities are part of who they are, this mindset can make them feel more important than they might be and may overlook the valuable contributions of those around them.
“My achievements are unmatched.”
They believe their accomplishments are unparalleled. Especially for those with grandiose narcissism, this manifests as seeing themselves as uniquely superior and craving admiration.
They exaggerate success, and another person’s success can feel like a threat to their belief that they are the best. To keep this idea going, they often twist the truth so their own achievements always seem the most important.
“I never make mistakes.”
For a narcissist, admitting a mistake is very difficult. It puts their image of being perfect at risk. Instead of accepting blame, they often deny, make excuses, or try to shift the blame to someone else.
For example, I once worked with someone who sent an email containing an error to the entire company, then attributed it to a technical issue with their computer. This reluctance to admit fault is common, as acknowledging mistakes would challenge their self-perception.
“If something goes wrong, it’s someone else’s fault.”
This belief is closely tied to the notion that they never make mistakes. Since they see themselves as perfect, any problem must be someone else’s fault. They often blame others to maintain their innocence.
It’s a defense mechanism that shields them from feeling any shame. By making someone else the villain, they get to remain the hero or the innocent victim. It’s a way of outsourcing all of their flaws and failures, ensuring their self-image remains pristine.
“I don’t need anyone’s help—others need me.”
Narcissists find it hard to be vulnerable. Asking for help feels like weakness, so they convince themselves they don’t need anyone and are strong, while others seem weak.
This lie allows them to maintain a sense of power and control, even in the face of rejection, protecting them from the crushing shame of being left behind.
They believe they are in complete control of their relationships. If someone leaves, it’s because they discarded them first, or because that person was flawed anyway.
“Everyone envies me.”
Narcissists often believe others are jealous of them. Some sources suggest that they think their success, appearance, and abilities evoke envy. This belief reinforces their sense of superiority and provides a simple explanation for criticism or dislike.
It enables them to interpret negative feedback as evidence of their talents, reinforcing their worldview.
“Criticism is just hate.”
Because they believe all criticism stems from envy, narcissists can’t distinguish between constructive feedback and a personal attack. Any criticism, even if it’s meant kindly, feels like hate to them. Their ego is so sensitive that any challenge feels deeply personal to them.
This is why it can be so hard to have a reasonable conversation with them about problems. They don’t want feedback to improve; they only want praise and admiration. Anything else is quickly seen as an attack.
“My feelings are the only ones that matter.”
Narcissists often have a hard time feeling empathy, as noted by Frontiers. They struggle to notice or accept other people’s feelings and experiences. Their own emotions take up so much space that they can’t make room for anyone else’s.
They expect others to focus on their anger or pain, while often ignoring or minimizing the emotions of others.
“I’ll never be rejected or abandoned.”
Deep down, narcissists are afraid of being left behind. The idea of being seen as unworthy or unwanted is very hard for them. To deal with this fear, they convince themselves they are too important and lovable to ever be rejected.
They think they have full control over their relationships. If someone leaves, they tell themselves it’s because they chose to end it first or because the other person had problems.
This belief helps them feel powerful and in control, even when they are actually being rejected.
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