14 single-life habits to leave behind once you tie the knot

The transition from “me” to “we” is a lot harder than just saying “I do” and smashing some cake in each other’s faces. The hard part is over after the reception, but the data begs to differ. Did you know that one-third of Americans who had ever been married reported that their first marriage ended in divorce? (Pew Research).

Even scarier, the “Three-Year Reality Check” is a real phenomenon in which the risk of splitting peaks just as the honeymoon phase fades. I’ve seen friends crash and burn because they treated their spouse like a roommate with benefits rather than a life partner. To help you beat the odds, I dug into the research to find the specific single-life behaviors you need to ditch immediately.  

Here are 14 habits you need to leave at the altar to keep your union strong.

The “I’m the Captain” mentality regarding decisions

In your single days, you probably loved the freedom of booking a trip or buying a TV without consulting a soul. But in marriage, unilateral decision-making is poison. Advice columnist Carolyn Hax hit the nail on the head when she said, “Acting unilaterally in a marriage is the heart of all betrayal”. When you make big choices alone, you essentially tell your partner their opinion doesn’t matter.  

You need to overlap your “decision circles”. If you continue to operate like a solo agent, you breed resentment and kill trust. IMO, if it costs more than a nice dinner or affects your weekend plans, check with your teammate first. It’s not about asking for permission; it’s about respect.  

Keeping financial secrets (the “my money” myth)

Money is frequently cited as a top cause of divorce, but the real killer is financial infidelity. A shocking survey from Bankrate reveals that more than 40% of U.S. adults in committed relationships have kept a financial secret from their partner. Whether it’s a secret credit card or a hidden stash of cash, these secrets scream, “I don’t trust you.”  

You might think your student loans or that impulsive Amazon spree are your business, but in many states, your debt becomes “our” debt. Nearly one-quarter of adults admit to racking up debt without their partner’s knowledge. Do you really want to start your marriage by hiding the receipts? Open the books and build a budget together.  

Scorekeeping and transactional love

“I did the dishes three times this week, so you owe me.” Sound familiar? This tit-for-tat mentality turns your marriage into a competition where one person wins, and the other loses. But if your spouse fails, you lose too. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman found that stable marriages require a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. Scorekeeping focuses entirely on the negative—what your partner didn’t do.  

Viewing your relationship as a transaction destroys intimacy. You aren’t trading services; you’re building a life. Drop the ledger and give 100% without expecting an immediate return. Trust me, generosity breeds generosity.

The silent treatment (stonewalling)

When things got heated in your single dating life, maybe you just ghosted or walked away. In marriage, researchers call this stonewalling, and it is one of the “Four Horsemen” that predict divorce with frightening accuracy. Interestingly, 85% of stonewallers in studied marriages are men.  

Shutting down might feel like a safety maneuver, but it actually sends your partner’s heart rate skyrocketing—often over 100 beats per minute during conflict. Instead of freezing them out, say, “I’m overwhelmed and need a 20-minute break, but I promise we will finish this conversation.” That simple shift from silence to communication saves relationships.  

Phubbing (snubbing your partner for your phone)

We are all addicted to our screens, but “phubbing”—ignoring your partner to scroll through Instagram—is a habit you must break. A study found that more than 40% of Americans report that their partner gets distracted by a phone while they are trying to talk. This behavior signals that your digital life is more interesting than your real-life spouse.  

The consequences are brutal: couples who deal with high levels of phone distraction are 70% less likely to report being “very happy” in their marriage. Make the dinner table and the bedroom phone-free zones. Your TikTok feed will still be there in the morning; your patience-testing spouse might not be.  

The “bachelor” standard of hygiene

You might be okay with leaving a towel on the floor for three days, but your spouse probably isn’t. Hygiene issues are a massive turn-off, with most partners rating a lack of cleanliness as a deal-breaker. In a shared space, your mess becomes someone else’s stress.  

Research also shows that 56% of married adults believe sharing household chores is “very important” to marital success. Don’t force your partner to become your parent by picking up after you. Step up your cleaning game and treat your shared home with respect.  

Excessive gaming and escapism

I love a good video game session as much as the next guy, but you have to draw a line. Video game addiction is now cited in 15% of divorce petitions filed by wives, according to some legal services. The game Fortnite alone appeared in 200 divorce petitions in a single year.  

When you spend every evening wearing a headset talking to strangers instead of your spouse, you actively neglect your marriage. Problematic or excessive gaming often leads to significant relationship tension because partners may feel overlooked, unheard, and deprioritized when a gamer spends an inordinate amount of time in virtual worlds rather than engaging in shared life responsibilities and emotional connection.  

Oversharing with your parents

“Leave and cleave” isn’t just an old saying; it’s a survival strategy. Running to your mom or dad every time you fight with your spouse creates a “triangle” of conflict. It can even lead to parentification, where you rely on your parents for emotional support that should come from your partner.  

While you might forgive your spouse for being a jerk on Tuesday, your parents will hold onto that grudge forever. Keep your marital arguments within the marriage vault. You need to present a united front to the world, even to your own family.  

The “work spouse” and boundary crossing

Having friends is great, but inappropriate opposite-sex friendships are a slippery slope. Statistics show that more than 50% of affairs begin in the workplace. That “innocent” lunch buddy who listens to you complain about your marriage is a ticking time bomb.  

You must establish clear boundaries. If you wouldn’t say it or do it in front of your spouse, don’t do it with your “work spouse”. Protecting your marriage means closing the door on opportunities for emotional intimacy with others.  

Solo sleep schedules

Are you a night owl married to an early bird? Sleeping at vastly different times can lead to a “sleep divorce” that kills intimacy. Research suggests that couples who sync their sleep schedules report higher marital satisfaction. In fact, happy couples are together, awake or asleep, about 75% of the time.  

Going to bed together allows for “pillow talk,” a crucial time for connection. Even if you aren’t tired, lie down with your partner until they drift off. It creates a rhythm of togetherness that lonely late-night Netflix binges can’t match.

Rigid hyper-independence

Single life demands you handle everything yourself, but marriage requires interdependence. Struggling with the transition from “I” to “We” is common, but you have to let your guard down. Refusing help or acting like you don’t need your partner makes them feel useless and disconnected.  

Healthy couples lean on each other. Don’t view asking for support as a weakness; view it as a way to build a stronger team. You entered a partnership—start acting like a partner, not a lone wolf.

Defensive reactivity to feedback

In the single world, nobody tells you how to load the dishwasher. In marriage, feedback is inevitable. If your knee-jerk reaction to a complaint is defensiveness—making excuses or cross-complaining—you are destroying communication. Gottman identifies this as another relationship killer.  

The antidote? Take responsibility. Even if you think your partner is 90% wrong, own the 10% that is true. Saying “You’re right, I did forget to call” diffuses the bomb instantly. Drop the shield and listen to understand, not to win.  

Impulsive weekend planning

Remember when you could decide to go on a road trip on a Friday afternoon? Those days are gone. Making plans without consulting your spouse is a significant sign of disrespect. It signals that you don’t value their time or their company.  

You need to check in before you commit to that golf outing or girls’ brunch. It’s common courtesy. A shared calendar can save you a world of arguments. FYI: Your time is now a shared resource.

The “grass is greener” syndrome (micro-cheating)

Social media makes it easy to peek at what you’re missing, but this “grass is greener” mentality is toxic. Engaging in micro-cheating—such as secret messaging or emotionally charged online interactions—erodes commitment. Studies show 45% of people admit to having an emotional affair.  

Stop scanning for upgrades. The “Three-Year Reality Check” hits hard because people stop investing in what they have. Water your own grass and stop looking over the fence. True happiness comes from commitment, not endless options.  

Key Takeaway

Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper; it’s a daily decision to choose “we” over “me.” The statistics don’t lie—leaving these 15 single-life habits behind significantly increases your odds of beating the 41% divorce rate. It requires humility, transparency, and a lot of closed bathroom doors.

By ditching the scorekeeping, the secrets, and the screens, you build a fortress around your relationship that can withstand the chaos of life. So, put down the phone, consult your partner, and enjoy the ride.

Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.

Weight Loss Journal Ideas- How To Use Bullet Journaling To Lose Weight

Weight Loss Journal Ideas- How To Use Bullet Journaling To Lose Weight

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